Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Working out your purpose but also being a "good person"

If my interest in the energy between sexual partners is any indication, I'm fascinated by the potential emotional forces inside us that bring out the best and most sexual and awesome in ourselves and others.

I'm also interested in Purpose and Unity in Purpose.

But I grew interest in Universal Compassion, an idea seen by many to be imaginary (and myself too mostly), but this interest largely conflicted, I thought, with my power/fame/money/muscles/success/player purpose.

I have an alchemical practice that's enabled me to really get in touch with my fire; the technique is a topic for another blog and I'll let you know if that happens. After a successful night of permanently burning off a chunk of anxiety and depression, a feeling of love towards everything is in all circumstances underneath it; it grows, outstretches, and then my personality (personality = unprocessed experiences that are distortions of that one true love) takes a positive shift and a portion of my real, true self comes back, permanently.

With those experiences under my belt, it's become clear to me that even when removing the veil of religion -- a genre of institutions that ultimately seek to control -- the message from the ancients and my unbridled soul at its most pure is the same: we are love, our purpose is love. But fuck, I want money and bitches. (Don't worry, there's a happy ending for us.)

What is love? Baby, don't hurt me... The word is so overused and broad that it can mean to take a great interest in something, to fall in love with someone romantically and sexually (dependency/infatuation), to feel affection towards a friend (fraternity), and the ultimate material the universe is made of (hippie dippie shit I believe, but you don't have to in order to get the thrust of this article). Let's concern ourselves with the most frustrating version:

Universal Altruism.

(Shudder.)

I do occasionally find myself feeling compassion for people involved in some atrocity, and my conversation style is steeped in sympathy when it needs to be, but the sensation is as fleeting as any other feeling, even if it is more profound.

What's been most frustrating about this is that while I WANT UNITY OF PURPOSE, in my day to day life I'm more interested in growing and becoming BETTER and more VALUABLE (as we should be!). So if we are all distortions of love and love is the true thing, but most of our drives are deliciously self-interested, but being a monk with nothing sucks, and giving out handouts is also unfulfilling, which is the right direction??

Then it came to me.

We weren't made to become professional leech-assistants. That's what I was afraid of, in my thought process of how to think and react towards the needy parts of the world. I was afraid that being big-hearted meant that I would have to stop what I wanted to do, and help others get their footing until everyone was all caught up.

The intelligence behind the universe is staggering: the atmosphere and alignment of the planets is just perfect enough for humans to survive, and even Richard Dawkins in "The Selfish Gene" pointed out that even if we had all the years that we understand the universe to have existed, it still makes no sense that something as complex as Man could be happening right now, or perhaps ever. So I'll use the unforgivable idea that a mind is responsible for the universe JUST so I can make this point: What kind of intelligence would make a group of beings so it could just help other beings that couldn't help themselves? And in a universe in which everyone attained happiness, what on earth are they GOOD FOR if they were built just to help the less fortunate? Once they were ALL HAPPY, where does their 'altruistic true programming' go from there??

It goes to show that BUILDING YOURSELF IS YOUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. YOUR HAPPINESS IS YOUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. OTHERS' HAPPINESS IS NOT YOUR JOB.

Compassion is an amazing feeling. When it happens and it's genuine, you should act on it because you WANT to act on it. Doing compassionate things out of a "sense of duty" feels like slapping yourself in the face. You are probably giving a man a fish instead of teaching a man to fish when you feel that way. Follow your fire; it purifies everything. And when it wants to teach out of charity, it wants to teach efficiently so you produce ANOTHER being that is ALSO SELF-RELIANT.

There are evil "purposes," of course, such as a goal to inflict prolonged pain on a group of people because it would get you off. That's what happens when the "input" you got, that is, incredibly shitty childhood with parents with similar goals, don't get processed out of your system by absorbing and letting go of shitty experiences. As a messed up person, your convoluted intention behind your 'fire' is to go ahead and do that crazy shit, so that'd be an example of a shitty purpose.

But let's assume your purpose isn't evil and a cry for help -- you want stuff, and to feel good about yourself, and a status that make those lower in vibration feel envy.

Follow your Purpose. Do your thing. You'll help others along the way. That is, if they deserve it.

I'm not talking about the poor and "whether they deserve it"; there are poor people who were as comfortable as you or I and got the carpet pulled from under them and have nowhere to go. I'm okay with taxes going towards unemployment for that reason. But let's put that aside for now and talk about serious leeches, of society and of you personally.

My public/non-anonymous persona has had a jump in the fame chart: earned a verified check on my Facebook page and getting a lot of "fans." Every single day I have someone message me, "Hey, can you do something for me?" The irony is staggering. It's not that I'm getting arrogant and starting to think, "Who are you to ask big mister me?", but instead, my internal monologue goes, "Who are you or ANYONE to ask if you can take something from someone else and not offer something in return?" To assume you don't have value is the end of your value.

Some of us want a hand when we're down, but when we get up, not all of us want to become Mother Theresas. The homeless person you clothe and feed today won't necessarily do that for others. Does that mean you shouldn't be compassionate when the impulse is healthy and aligned with your values? No, you can be. But it does mean that you should realize that ULTIMATELY, EVERYONE WANTS TO BECOME THE BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES, AND THAT IS OUR FINAL MISSION -- EVERYONE'S WORLD IS ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR GOALS/GOD.

So in short, no, fulfilling your dream to be a Wall Street wolf or an It guy or a DJ whose DNA is inside all the jumping bottoms is not "selfish." Serve by becoming an example to others. Sounds like a great way to serve without getting leeches. Grow. When you have the chance to really be compassionate, you'll be glad to have been selected for the mission (by your own self) because it'll feel great. You'll teach a man to fish, not give him fish. You'll let YOUR Power and Influence do something that brings harmony and vibrancy to the lucky person or people of your choices. Bitches love harmony. (Ha, no they don't. On that note...)

Breaking hearts? If you're doing it literally on purpose, there's something very shitty eating your soul that is making heartbreaking interesting to you, so your 'bad karma' 'has already been served' ahead of time in the form of your tarnished insides. On the other hand, if you're simply interested in a guy and lose interest and your departure causes him to wonder what the meaning of life is, that's him dealing with feelings that he's already had inside that are surfacing. Help him out if you want to, not that there's anything you can really do. Is sticking around as if you were his boyfriend really going to help him in the long run?

All right. You're already "good." Now go get what you want.