Be the Man: How Chasing the Person You Like Can Increase Your Attractiveness

This is a story about a guy who knew, consciously or not, that being romantically/sexually persistent increased his attractiveness tenfold.

I had had virtually no interest in him, and he changed my body chemistry towards him through exquisitely executed attraction tactics. The guy was chasing me, and I learned lots as he executed some fine masculine/active/top same-sex game that stimulated me wholly. Useful not just for gay guys, but also straight ones!

We had known each other for some time through friends at school. Others thought he was cute and made note of his supple body when he came up in conversation, but I personally wasn't bought. If there was a buying factor for me though, it was his popularity and charisma.

This guy went off like a rocket in all his theater classes and built a huge reputation for his forwardness, charm, and natural leadership abilities. He makes sure he has a hell of a time at any social gathering, and everyone else naturally enters his reality. In business/collaborative settings (such as a recurring project we worked on together), he's often the loudest and clearest speaker in the room, but also the one most likely to respond to ideas (or mandates) with almost brow-raising affirmatives like "Awesome" or "I love it," in a setting where overtly suggesting your feedback may hold more weight than everyone else's is taboo. His first day on the project, he was the newest guy in the room, yet he managed to make the person in charge of going over material with him seem as if she was presenting the material for his approval, instead of accepting a frame where his title was, "Clueless guy who obligingly and sweetly accepts what is given to him and the status quo."

Needless to say, all of these traits caught my interest.

Regardless, his not-bodybuilder-body along with his fuzzy blond body made my recently-New Yorker primal mind not so keen, or at least it wasn't heavily entertained. Until he made his move.

(His charisma, I admit, gave me a little interest. So, I started to dress up a little better at rehearsals -- subtly tighter t-shirts, and even almost-formal, flattering clothing.)

I noticed that, despite his feverish popularity, whenever we were in some part of the room in a tighter circle and someone said something funny, he began making eye contact with me when we'd find ourselves laughing, as if he were sharing it with me. I found it friendly and I hadn't even seen it as flirtatious at the time -- just ambiguous, and, well, friendly. How wrong I was.

It was more clear he was putting on the moves in one particular rehearsal we had. My 'theater-activity' (bear with me, not-artsy-job people) was to go to a couple of people scattered around the rehearsal, reveal something controversial about myself, and expect them to do the same. I went up to him and some other guy. I said, "I used to get anxiety when a guy would come on me." He said without breaking eye contact, "After I eat, my tendency is to masturbate."

The interactive, spontaneous, experimental tasks continued. Our tasks involved at least one other person, and for most of his, he would come to me -- especially those involving exercise that showed off physical prowess ("can you do 30 push-ups with me?"), ridiculous/comic exercise (me: "wait, is this how you do a jumping jack?" him: "...no" me: "lol" ), surprise-tying a rope around my neck from behind, and him twerking against my leg as Miley Cyrus until he had me trapped in a corner. When we were sitting down, he made sure any passing of objects between us involved our fingers grazing ("kino" being the PUA term), and he always kept our conversation as sexual as he could ("[showing me a picture he took during weird-activity-doing of another castmember on his phone] This looks like it could be a Grindr pic").

What was key was that I didn't return his moves, remaining the passive, because sexual polarity (masculine/feminine) is essential for attraction to occur and be maintained, as we learned in our previous article.

But what's crazy is he wasn't coming in like a wrecking ball! He was making his motives pretty clear, building rapport in such an aggressive way that wasn't boundary-crossing, and making myself familiar to his presence -- even needing it, I learned!

We had a second rehearsal later the same day. I naturally wondered if he would continue to be persistent -- maybe he got bored! The rehearsal was a lot more about sitting, and when he came in after I did, he took the seat right next to mine. He would put his hand naturally on my back whenever he was talking about us as a group or whenever it was even mildly appropriate, and I felt my own feelings of, "Wait, is this guy still after me?" become assuaged by his physical assurance.

So he had done three things with the, well, attention he had given me early -- made me get used to it and nearly take it for granted, made me continue to want it, and feel relief whenever he continued to give me the attention. It was a mini-drug (no worries, I wasn't hopelessly hooked). Now THAT is true game.

As the show approached, he would do other things, like ask if I'd follow him to help try on a costume, or as PUA calls it, "moving someone to another place" ("Huh? Help you try something on?! Noo-ooo!!" "I mean just see if it's a good fit." "Oh haha, sure thing"), and walk up to me when we were all standing around about to make our entrances, making a clever comment about the flesh-colored underwear he thought would befit the costume he had on. Again, almost always sexual material in conversation, almost pushing boundaries -- not enough to be creepy, but just the right amount to make his interests clear in a socially acceptable way!

By being aggressive, this guy was ascertaining his masculinity with me, showing he wasn't afraid to back down, that he wasn't afraid of me, and that he goes for what he wants! If I had shown even a little more than a hint that I was interested in him, the fun would've been gone, I would've seemed too eager, and he would've stopped putting on the moves (indeed, whenever he caught me looking at him his reaction was just to turn away as if he couldn't care less -- and then he'd continue hitting on me!).

What's crazy is that during our first rehearsal together, I wasn't seeing him as much as a sexual/romantic option as much as a very cool person who could potentially out-cool me in any moment. What a turning of the tables a little desire and taking care of one's appearance can do! If you ever feel you're going to be AMOG'd or intimidated by another gay guy, it can be very useful to keep your moments together hot.

Honestly, I don't see our relationship going towards anything serious -- it could be a game for him, as it basically is for me. On the other hand, I have no shortage of interest in documenting how a guy with status hits on me, since that's useful for me for whenever I decide to take on that role with another guy. Why fall short on practice?

If you like someone and you want to make a distinct move, prepare to be the guy in the relationship -- the masculine counterpart. If you like someone but you don't see yourself as the pursuer and don't want to bring out your partner's feminine side, but rather his masculine, then show just a little interest and see if he caves.

Now that the show we were rehearsing for is over, he's taken to Facebook liking and commenting on my stuff -- not on every single item I post, of course (there is such thing as being too eager on the masculine front of the pursuit), but only on outrageous items I post that would believably merit his approval. Facebook will be covered in depth in a future post. Follow the blog to keep your game sharp and for necessary review.

Happy hunting, my brothers.

Getting (or Receiving) the Guy: The Chase and Sexual Polarity

If my romantic and sexual experiences in college taught me anything, it's that lots of guys who like guys have no idea how to manage someone else's attraction for them, or how to make it happen between them at all.

I stumbled upon an amazing book on my Facebook news feed about a year ago when I needed clarification myself. A sassy lady-acquaintance of mine posted it after she read it saying, "Well, I haven't been doing dating right at all." After getting my own copy, I found that I hadn't really, either, unless by instinct.

In case you're wondering, the book (Not Your Mother's Rules) is supposed to be for girls on how to keep a guy interested -- and I'm a dude who likes dudes.

It has been an amazing manual for me on how to keep a 'masculine' guy around. Or, how to keep a guy interested and behaving in a 'masculine' way. The rest of the post illustrates how I think it's useful (ahem, essential) for a guy who's into a -- there's that word again -- 'masculine' guy.

When I say "masculine," I'm not necessarily talking about football throwing, ball-scratching, toothpick-in-teeth behavior. I'm actually talking about that masculine vulnerability which is secretly what masculinity is. I'm talking about the impulse to give someone protection, and to let him know that he's being thought of in a way that suggests romantic and sexual exclusivity. It's the masculine spark that demands a lot of confidence, because it takes a lot of balls to put yourself out there like that -- but it's so damn sexy when it happens, because it demonstrates strength.

Confidence = Vulnerability. (In the 'masculine' sense.)

Think about what turns you on about a guy. Not just any guy, but keep one or two in mind. I'll venture to say there are two types of attraction, within the romantic realm (I'm not talking about a viable hookup option).

There are the kinds of guys who we want to sweep us off of our feet. The ones with the puffed out chest, the go-getters -- you know who I mean. They may exist more in our imagination than in reality, but both are still valid because dating is pure psychology.

Then there are the cute, more bottom-y ones that sometimes make us feel manly who, unless they act too clingy, we want to take care of, at a gut level.

Homosexual men, or any group of guys, cannot be so simply divided into these categories. But both of these archetypal guys, who we perceive others to be and who we see ourselves as sometimes, are the result of successful gay game.

When a 'masculine' guy shows signs of anxiety or weakness, he loses that cologne about him.
When a 'feminine' guy gets clingy, he is no longer the prize we had made him out to be.

"Well, this has been fun. Let's get a drink sometime soon."
"I'll give you a call when you're back in the area."
"We should do this again."

Look at the quotes above, and imagine your Prince Eric telling you something like that. Swoon, you went. Sigh, we go.

Now imagine one of those lighter-and-whispy-haired, innocent-faced guys with the cute butt. His smile with his girl friends (don't let me be misunderstood, I'm talking about a homosexual here), which is incredibly sweet, looks more like something you'd put on a Hallmark birthday card than a facsimile of some devil-may-care, cockeyed gay-man-izer. With this innocent example, I'm not even talking about a weak/insecure guy (yet...that'll be a post in the future); just a poised, more feminine guy.

Imagine that great-skinned, Fierce-smelling, tight-jeaned guy asking you out. Hot, right? 100% bangable. The problem?

It's only an ego-boost for us, and a potential lay. We don't want to date him, at least not for too long.

Huh? How can that be? We're politically correct. In fact, this post is not a cry against feminine guys, or feminine guys' agency. We see guys like that in relationships all the time. So what is being suggested?

That passive guys, or guys who find themselves interested in someone who they want as the more masculine partner, can't pursue someone without regretting it.

Wait, you are hopefully thinking. Am I that guy? One of them? Both of them? Neither?

The truth is... sometimes you are, and sometimes you are not. Our masculine/feminine polarities often change with who we are (as in, immediate surroundings...and also who we are romantically with), and how attracted we are to the guy.

When we are attracted to a manly guy, we might tease, act sassy around him, and maybe even pursue him. Anyone familiar with the chase may well know it works out better when, heterosexually speaking, the guy makes the first move. While true, we might be tempted to think that chasing goes either way between guys showing interest to one another.

Not so.

Sassy-flirty behavior is instinctually telling a guy, Come and chase me. It doesn't work because you are chasing him, confusing the polarity. You are saying, "Do that masculine thing where you prove yourself to me. I'm interested. Go ahead, show me who you are. I'm interested." It's paradoxical because you don't need him to show you what he's got; you're already interested. Therefore it's actually annoying and not helpful to getting you guys anywhere, unless you just want to have him for a night.

So when the part of us that yearns, whether always or on occasion, to be taken care of by the king of the jungle types, the best tactic? Do nothing. Let him see you as the type that gets pursued.

Let it be his idea.

And when we're attracted to the more 'feminine' guy? You guessed it. Go up to him and act like a player. Be forward. Dare to put your hand through his hair. Touch his hands. Show confidence (even if you're scared shitless). Make him laugh. Smile. Be cocky. Cross boundaries here and there with a smile and a "just kidding, just kidding!" Guys who inspire our masculine with their femininity need to be charmed. If they're into us, they wouldn't have it any other way. That is how the attraction current flows in its most proper form.

Another big sexual polarity mistake: matching vulnerability with vulnerability.
"Hey you," he says. "It meant so much that you came to see my game."
"Of course!" you can say. "I'm so glad I finally saw you play."

The example above is fine. As the feminine side of the magnetic pull, it's not your place to ask him out. Trust me, I've been there and the long-term results aren't pretty. If he made the first move and has since pursued you, let him do that. If you do his job for him, he'll get bored, feel something's not right, and move on.

Confidence = Sexiness = Vulnerability (for the pursuer).
Confidence = Sexiness = Trust (for the one being chased).


Best tactic for masculine counterpart: being forward. (Scary, because of fear of rejection.)
Worst tactic for masculine counterpart: being hesitant. (Comes from fear of rejection.)

Best tactic for feminine counterpart: doing nothing. (Scary because you want to make sure it's still on.)
Worst tactic for feminine counterpart: being forward. (Comes from fear of relationship slipping away.)


These rules are especially true for player-types. A guy used to picking up guys relishes a really hard-to-get guy if he's a pursuer, or he wants someone who will effortlessly call him and have no problem going after what they want.

I have a story about a pursuer who got my interest from 0 to 60 simply with his subtle but persistent forwardness; but that'll be for a future post.

Does this mean that if you're more masculine/feminine in your mannerisms or interests, that you are doomed to one set of these dating tactics? No. You have no idea if you're going to meet an American Pie you want to ravage to adorable smithereens, or a Hercules you want to carry you over the threshold (lolz). It has less to do with how you're perceived by others or yourself in your daily life, and more about what an individual guy inspires in you. Familiarize yourself with both sides of the game, put them into practice, and get the guy.


Since this is my first blog post, I feel like I'm spilling everything at once. It's a lot to take in! Hopefully ideas and dating concepts will be brought up with more clarity and fluidity in the future. This is just a taste of what's to come.

'Til next time, my brothers.