Monday, December 30, 2013

Be the Man: How Chasing the Person You Like Can Increase Your Attractiveness

This is a story about a guy who knew, consciously or not, that being romantically/sexually persistent increased his attractiveness tenfold.

I had had virtually no interest in him, and he changed my body chemistry towards him through exquisitely executed attraction tactics. The guy was chasing me, and I learned lots as he executed some fine masculine/active/top same-sex game that stimulated me wholly. Useful not just for gay guys, but also straight ones!

We had known each other for some time through friends at school. Others thought he was cute and made note of his supple body when he came up in conversation, but I personally wasn't bought. If there was a buying factor for me though, it was his popularity and charisma.

This guy went off like a rocket in all his theater classes and built a huge reputation for his forwardness, charm, and natural leadership abilities. He makes sure he has a hell of a time at any social gathering, and everyone else naturally enters his reality. In business/collaborative settings (such as a recurring project we worked on together), he's often the loudest and clearest speaker in the room, but also the one most likely to respond to ideas (or mandates) with almost brow-raising affirmatives like "Awesome" or "I love it," in a setting where overtly suggesting your feedback may hold more weight than everyone else's is taboo. His first day on the project, he was the newest guy in the room, yet he managed to make the person in charge of going over material with him seem as if she was presenting the material for his approval, instead of accepting a frame where his title was, "Clueless guy who obligingly and sweetly accepts what is given to him and the status quo."

Needless to say, all of these traits caught my interest.

Regardless, his not-bodybuilder-body along with his fuzzy blond body made my recently-New Yorker primal mind not so keen, or at least it wasn't heavily entertained. Until he made his move.

(His charisma, I admit, gave me a little interest. So, I started to dress up a little better at rehearsals -- subtly tighter t-shirts, and even almost-formal, flattering clothing.)

I noticed that, despite his feverish popularity, whenever we were in some part of the room in a tighter circle and someone said something funny, he began making eye contact with me when we'd find ourselves laughing, as if he were sharing it with me. I found it friendly and I hadn't even seen it as flirtatious at the time -- just ambiguous, and, well, friendly. How wrong I was.

It was more clear he was putting on the moves in one particular rehearsal we had. My 'theater-activity' (bear with me, not-artsy-job people) was to go to a couple of people scattered around the rehearsal, reveal something controversial about myself, and expect them to do the same. I went up to him and some other guy. I said, "I used to get anxiety when a guy would come on me." He said without breaking eye contact, "After I eat, my tendency is to masturbate."

The interactive, spontaneous, experimental tasks continued. Our tasks involved at least one other person, and for most of his, he would come to me -- especially those involving exercise that showed off physical prowess ("can you do 30 push-ups with me?"), ridiculous/comic exercise (me: "wait, is this how you do a jumping jack?" him: "...no" me: "lol" ), surprise-tying a rope around my neck from behind, and him twerking against my leg as Miley Cyrus until he had me trapped in a corner. When we were sitting down, he made sure any passing of objects between us involved our fingers grazing ("kino" being the PUA term), and he always kept our conversation as sexual as he could ("[showing me a picture he took during weird-activity-doing of another castmember on his phone] This looks like it could be a Grindr pic").

What was key was that I didn't return his moves, remaining the passive, because sexual polarity (masculine/feminine) is essential for attraction to occur and be maintained, as we learned in our previous article.

But what's crazy is he wasn't coming in like a wrecking ball! He was making his motives pretty clear, building rapport in such an aggressive way that wasn't boundary-crossing, and making myself familiar to his presence -- even needing it, I learned!

We had a second rehearsal later the same day. I naturally wondered if he would continue to be persistent -- maybe he got bored! The rehearsal was a lot more about sitting, and when he came in after I did, he took the seat right next to mine. He would put his hand naturally on my back whenever he was talking about us as a group or whenever it was even mildly appropriate, and I felt my own feelings of, "Wait, is this guy still after me?" become assuaged by his physical assurance.

So he had done three things with the, well, attention he had given me early -- made me get used to it and nearly take it for granted, made me continue to want it, and feel relief whenever he continued to give me the attention. It was a mini-drug (no worries, I wasn't hopelessly hooked). Now THAT is true game.

As the show approached, he would do other things, like ask if I'd follow him to help try on a costume, or as PUA calls it, "moving someone to another place" ("Huh? Help you try something on?! Noo-ooo!!" "I mean just see if it's a good fit." "Oh haha, sure thing"), and walk up to me when we were all standing around about to make our entrances, making a clever comment about the flesh-colored underwear he thought would befit the costume he had on. Again, almost always sexual material in conversation, almost pushing boundaries -- not enough to be creepy, but just the right amount to make his interests clear in a socially acceptable way!

By being aggressive, this guy was ascertaining his masculinity with me, showing he wasn't afraid to back down, that he wasn't afraid of me, and that he goes for what he wants! If I had shown even a little more than a hint that I was interested in him, the fun would've been gone, I would've seemed too eager, and he would've stopped putting on the moves (indeed, whenever he caught me looking at him his reaction was just to turn away as if he couldn't care less -- and then he'd continue hitting on me!).

What's crazy is that during our first rehearsal together, I wasn't seeing him as much as a sexual/romantic option as much as a very cool person who could potentially out-cool me in any moment. What a turning of the tables a little desire and taking care of one's appearance can do! If you ever feel you're going to be AMOG'd or intimidated by another gay guy, it can be very useful to keep your moments together hot.

Honestly, I don't see our relationship going towards anything serious -- it could be a game for him, as it basically is for me. On the other hand, I have no shortage of interest in documenting how a guy with status hits on me, since that's useful for me for whenever I decide to take on that role with another guy. Why fall short on practice?

If you like someone and you want to make a distinct move, prepare to be the guy in the relationship -- the masculine counterpart. If you like someone but you don't see yourself as the pursuer and don't want to bring out your partner's feminine side, but rather his masculine, then show just a little interest and see if he caves.

Now that the show we were rehearsing for is over, he's taken to Facebook liking and commenting on my stuff -- not on every single item I post, of course (there is such thing as being too eager on the masculine front of the pursuit), but only on outrageous items I post that would believably merit his approval. Facebook will be covered in depth in a future post. Follow the blog to keep your game sharp and for necessary review.

Happy hunting, my brothers.