Monday, February 16, 2015

Number One Thing You'd Better Not Fuck Up

Brothers and babes:

Whether you're approaching or were approached on the dance floor, are in a relationship or about to be in one, there's one thing you must do. It's not the only thing, but it's nonetheless important:

1. Figure out who the 'guy' is.
2. Don't fuck it up.

I was texting a plate the other day who's in the military. He's pretty stoic in his texts and I usually become a shameless bouncy ball of energy when I talk with him; he's the oak tree in the relationship.

He's the guy.

I'm often the guy in other relationships. The other night I accrued a plate at a club who danced with/around me the whole night and went out to eat with me and my friends right afterward. I was the stoic fucker who approached him dead on and he was the one singing songs by Mariah Something and letting his hypergamy send him into orbits around me and my crew.

But with me and Military Man, he was always the guy in the relationship.

One time MM texted me that he was sick. I found myself going into "poor baby" mode, not in a condescending way; I was being my man's little helper in text message form. I wanted my man to know his li'l boy angel was thinking of him. Then he said something that made my skin crawl.

"Well I have nothing to worry about, I have a big man who can protect me." (Referring to me.)

Talk about a sexual polarity killer.

Plenty of guys tell me stuff like that, but they're my twinks, not my sexy daddies whose strength I subconsciously 'rely' on and whose displays of weakness give my reptilian brain the shivers.

Not to say it ended things. But that's probably because I can observe my romantic/sexual experiences, know where they're coming from, and once they happen, I can decide if the relationship's worth continuing.


a) "He hasn't texted me back. BUT I WANT HIM SO MUCH. Well, that's not how it works. Abundance mentality, unsubscribe from posts, don't Like his stuff even if he starts pelting me with Likes as a result of my disappearance, but be nice in person. NEXT."

b) "What a turn-off, that thing he did!* Well, I have fun sleeping with him; you don't see pecs like that every day. I can overcome my momentary instincts in return for some sex that'll make my endorphins fly."

* Applies to beta moments your big boy has. Not him being an inexcusable dick. In that case, you cut contact.

You get the point.

But you might not be dating a cad as self-observant, game-aware, or who considers all options. Most humans are feeling-based, and even think that they're thinking when they're actually just feeling. Therefore, when dealing with the law of sexual polarity, tread with care.

Figure out (in your head, not in a conversation with him) who's the daddy and who's the son; figure out who's taking care of who; figure out who's the oak tree and who's the monkey. (Of course, an alpha in the pair can be high-energy; that sentence is mostly related to emotional volatility.) It's not always so black and white, but if you see a pattern, realize that the exchange of the relationship is very likely dependent on that dynamic continuing.

If you're the alpha male and he's your boy, realize that opening up too much about your feelings may put a damper on his attraction for you, even if he 'wouldn't do that.' (Remember it's not him doing it; it's generations of evolution that's done that to his brain.)

If you're the pretty boy princess and he's your bodybuilding stoic prince charming, there is less that you can do wrong in this sense, but if your occasional wound-licking for your man makes you out to be the caretaker or paternal/maternal figure, he might naturally exhibit some submissive/passive behavior that'll dry you up faster than dry ice sublimates. (And dry ice is a solid that turns into a gas, y'all!!!!11!11 Skippin' being the element water and shit.)

At the same time, don't overdo your role; you were a person before getting to know this good-looking dude, remember? Just because you're the alpha doesn't mean you should be completely distant or a tyrannical asshole. Just because you're not the manly one in charge doesn't mean he wants to be dating a drag queen, or that he doesn't need consolation once in a while.

Ok, good learning today. Time to make a cold approach.